you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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