Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
