I have demons in me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
