my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
