i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
North Korea, Best Korea!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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