So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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