I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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