hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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