i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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