Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
