She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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