Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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