I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
