Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
