Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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