he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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