you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
