if you like me you must not know who I am
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Randomize
