I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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