Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
