Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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