i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
