Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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