escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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