He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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