the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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