You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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