U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Too much gin, very little bucket
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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