I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
