I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
