I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
