she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
