Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize