I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
