My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
