I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
