just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
