I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
