i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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