i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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