PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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