well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
