Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
