after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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