We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She even gives head with a lisp.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize