I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
