capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
