I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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