I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Never let your siblings swipe right.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize