Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
