If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize