Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I forget how to act sober
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
