The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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