I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
