They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
