grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
