Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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