I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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