maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize