My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
