i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
