Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize