There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
