I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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