I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Is it penis luge time yet?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
