Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
