my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
im on a boat
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