a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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