This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
