I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
