Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
