you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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