who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
