Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
