yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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