in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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