Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
