I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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