I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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