do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
