Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
