so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
