how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize