Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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