So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
