speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
