who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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