Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
