just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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