3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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