Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
