i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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