hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
