My liver just broke up with me...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
