she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
